[Chat] How to be super when you're not a supermodel
I've always been in a battle with my body. A friendly battle maybe, a bit of bickering, but an ongoing back-and-forth nonetheless. I have been fortunate enough to keep my delicate relationship with my body image in check. Most days, I can stand in front of the mirror and feel okay, but others, I'm poking and prodding those lumpy bits and staring just a little too long at my thighs.
It's a bummer that being unfairly critical of your body is probably typical for both boys and girls, particularly in those tumultuous days of ~ puberty ~ and being a ~ teenager ~. I remember being in high school and thinking no guy would ever like me because I was "chubby" -- like that was a measure of my self worth; accepting with disappointment that I would never have a “gap” between my thighs -- like that was telling of my value as a friend; and squeezing my stomach rolls with disdain -- like that erased everything else I had to offer as a person. Now I feel better about my body, so I wish I could go and tell my younger self that what really should matter is trying to feel well and accept my body – lumps, spots, frizzy hair, and all.
But honestly, just when I start to feel okay about how I look, a look on Facebook, Tumblr, or a bit of TV can erase all that hard work:
You know, stuff like this:
Squad Goals: Be hot AF and not all that much else
What I see doesn’t represent me, or my friends. So many supermodels – not just hot, but always happy, and lacking in any substantial character. Even pictures people I know can be carefully curated, with perfect selfie-lighting, expertly applied make-up, and an always flattering angle. Anyone remember the MySpace Angle™ circa 2004?
An excellent example of the MySpace Angle™ phenomenon; Exhibit A that I am almost too old to be in the RO age range
Especially in the early 2000s, when I was young, being stick-thin was the ideal, although completely unattainable. Thankfully, this has been slowly improving over the years, now we have more complex female role models, and far more genders, sexualities, and people of all shapes and colours represented than ever before. Indeed, it can be really helpful to remember that the “ideal” body is always shaped by society, and has changed throughout history:
Let’s be real (we are “getting real” after all) -- right now the physical ideal is to be a “supermodel”. I've spent so much time fretting over my body, but what if I chose to love and nurture my body -- regardless of my shape? Is making healthy changes out of love for my body rather than for being *hot* be a more productive mindset? What should we say to people like the younger me, who don’t really feel comfortable about their bodies?
Join us from 8pm AEST on Monday the 11th of January to talk about your thoughts on body image and tips on how to be excellent, on fleek, healthy, and just SUPER… when you’re not a supermodel. Myself and @Glass_half_full are hoping to take a positive spin on the topic -- so let’s learn to love our bodies, and if you are looking to improve our health and fitness, doing it without exhausting ourselves with negativity.
Here comes the Summary. Thank you all for your contribution in a topic that hits close to homefor me 😄
Tonight’s discussion was wonderfully interactive with so many interesting points. Most users suggested that we don’t always view our body the same way, some days we are critical and other days we are apereciative. It appears that a lot of the time, some of us let society’s standard of beauty affect the way we see ourselves. However, we identified that positive self talk can allow us to step back and realize that there is no real definition for what beauty is and we shouldn’t let society define beauty for us, after all we come in different shapes and sizes. This was evident by the responses on how our body image have changed over time. It was clear that some of us changed the way we see ourselves and found peace. And important point was made by @j95, that we are all built differently and it is impossible for some of us to look like supermodels just because of the way that we’re built.
It was mentioned that the environment we live in has a substancial role in the way we view ourselves as we are influenced immensely by the media and social network, which feeds onto our everyday lives where pressure is felt among peers to achieve the perfect body. Thus we explored what it means to be healthy rather than skinny as per society’s standards. For most of us it seems that healthy means feeling strong by eating well and exercising regularly. This does not mean that we should be stressing by denying ourselves indulgence as life is for living! We explored what healthy body image is about and identified that working to feel good about yourself rather than to satisfy others, working to remove negativity from your life, surrounding yourself with good people, being kind to yourself, and focusing on how you feel rather than how you look are all important elements of acheiving a positive midnset about our body. If you’re worried about you size and your weight, that’s okay but its important to let yourself take it easy and approach it with a positive mindset. In summary, a healthy body image is finding balance to stay healthy while occasionally enjoying all the bad foods that feel so good. It’s important to love ourselves for all our assets and flaw and adjusting our mindset, only then we can foster positive changes.
Agreed @juliet! Such an insightful and interesting GR tonight everyone!
Thanks for a brilliant chat everyone! You are all ace.
Also I thought I'd share this from the RO Facebook page (which is always excellent). A good reminder to try and be yourself, and super, even if you're not a supermodel. Being weird is so much better.
Do you think we talk about this issue enough with our friends? If you do, what sort of conversations do you have? If no, what can we do about it?
I am incredibly blessed to have 2 wonderful girls for housemates, and we talk about everything, and I've always had friends to share these feelings and help eachother with. We'll talk about waxing, shaving, periods, and farts in great detail (we're classy like that). But I also know people who don't like to address the issue.
Maybe people see admitting to imperfections as a weakness? I've always adored people who embrace their differences, and who aren't afraid to admit their faults. A way to help encourage conversation could be to change the way we thing about it - I'm obsessed with the way the media portrays celebrities as "perfect", (and I'm going to jump on the bandwagon here) and I think J-Law is so popular because she is so open, and completely shatters that barrier. I think that the taboo is slowly lifting, but maybe needs some help (but I don't know how).
Do you think we talk about this issue enough with our friends? If you do, what sort of conversations do you have? If no, what can we do about it?
I think it’s really great that a lot of us have recognised the importance of (gently) challenging that sort of negative self talk in others!
When I do talk to friends about this sort of stuff, I find that letting the other person know that I love and support them can be really powerful, as well as raising their strengths in other areas, unrelated to body image (if they are feeling especially down). I think this helps to put their worries about their appearance in perspective or in the context of their overall, really awesome self. I think that we are so much more than our physical appearances.
To answer @Ben-RO's q (and confirm his psychic mod powers!), I think it's really important to acknowledge if you do have worries along those lines, don't feel like you have to bottle them up and deal with them alone. In line with our feeling mentally healthy theme tonight, seeking help can be a very powerful thing. So talking about these feelings here on the RO forums, or speaking to Headspace, Lifeline or Kids Help Line is a great idea. 
@Ben-RO So glad you said that Ben! I wanted to add more but I didn't want to open a can of worms! On the physical side, I do believe that if you have an unhealthy weight (for you, not just put ont he bell curve), that that does need to be addressed.
You mentioned scars. For me, I think scars are part of someone's story, whether they're from an accident or intentional. I personally have scars and I have never had the urge to hide them - they're a reminder of a part of my life that I overcame and I doubt I will ever achieve anything that I will be prouder of. I'm not going to hide them on the chance that someone doesn't deem them "beautiful". Too bad! It's my body.
As for people with medical conditions or things that affect that, it comes back to being healthy for YOU. Everyone is different, and circumstances like that require (in my opinion) a very strong sense of self.
I don't know this question is hard!
What does looking and feeling “healthy” mean to you? What is a healthy body image?
Feeling healthy to me is about exercising regularly and eating a balanced diet, but also not being hard on myself if I haven't in a while. Self care for my mental wellbeing is also an important part of feeling good for me.
I think a healthy body image isn’t about looking a particular way (contrary to magazines/marketing campaigns), but feeling confident in who you are and how you look – no matter who you are or what you look like.
So it seems like a lot of us are answering this question in terms of what we do to care for our bodies and give them what they need to be healthy, however they look. Which is a pretty excellent way of doing things. But I am going to play the devils advocate here.
What do we do if our bodies have an issue, like if you're living with chronic health, or perhaps have a few scars that you feel people react to? What do we do if we feel the physical Sex of our bodies doesn't match our gender identity? This is a tough one! Hint: i will also accept answers that talk about who you could talk to.
What do we do if our bodies have an issue, like if you're living with chronic health, or perhaps have a few scars that you feel people react to? What do we do if we feel the physical Sex of our bodies doesn't match our gender identity? This is a tough one! Hint: i will also accept answers that talk about who you could talk to.
@Ben-RO god that is a tough one, I think acceptance is a huge part of the hurdle when our looks don't fit the norm or the standard for beauty. For instance, scars are a tough one because people may be torn between removing it or accepting it. I think It's wonderful to be able to accept ourselves for all that we are but that takes a lot of positive self talk and adjusting our mindset. It's not an easy thing to do at all but once it's done, it's empowering and nothing can touch you if you are content with all that you are. However, if people do choose to remove their scars I can understand that too. It's sort of the same as changing your sex because you don't feel right in the body that you were born in. I think what I'm trying to say is, accepting yourself is the best bet but some peope might not see it that way and that's okay too, It is your body, you should feel comfortable in it,but not through desperate unhealthy meansm, which is just bad for our overall health.
YEP, struggled with that one !
What does looking and feeling “healthy” mean to you? What is a healthy body image?
Healthy me to means looking after myself physically and mentally. So being mindful of what I eat and excersise but not being over the top about it, I do treat myself quite a lot haha.
What does looking and feeling “healthy” mean to you? What is a healthy body image?
I think a healthy body image is finding the combination of loving yourself, whilst acknowledging both your faults and assets.
For me feeling healthy is about doing things I love, and making sure my body is healthy inside and out. If I want a burger, I'll eat a burger! This happens a little more often than my wallet would like, but I balance it out by making sure I drink water and have healthy meals in between. (I left out sport because I haven't done much at all the last two years, but I do miss it.)
@juliet Because it is the food of the gods! Haha I have no idea, but it's a good excuse to have another burger and try to figure it out 😉
Do you think that environment has a role to play in body image? For example, does pop culture, your friends, or others around you have an effect on body image?
This goes into mental health, and there's a strong correlation between how comfortable you feel mentally, and how you view yourself. I find that even if I'm not in peak physical condition (which, let's face it, is 99% of the time), if I'm happy in other aspects of my life it doesn't bother me as much as when I'm having a hard time.
Having an environment that is healthy for your mind will in turn help your body. Learning to ignore or remove negative images from social media is another matter, and if you have friends that make you feel bad about yourself, something needs to be done. Life's too short to have negative people in your life! Letting go of friends can be hard, but your happiness and well-being are definitely worth it.
@FluteGirl I love doing yoga/pilates in the privacy of my own room!
I see a lot of people taking "exercise" to mean, "gym" - and I'm not modding (so I don't want to offer unwanted advice), but there are so many other options. I hate exercising in front of other people - I look ridiculous when I exercise. But there's so many other options! I'm a big advocate of yoga in the bedroom, or a swim at the beach, or simply making the choice to walk places instead of driving or taking the bus. Exercise isn't the answer to negative body image, but if you're looking at exercise but the gym isn't your thing, there are other options!
Hey @FluteGirl! Great response! You don't have to be a mod to support on this forum, we love it when people share what they have learned with us 🙂
@Ben-RO Thanks! It's been a while since I've been on and I don't want to overstep any boundaries.
